


Sharing is Caring

by Evakkk



Category: SKAM (Norway)
Genre: ( YES... I'm actually including some angst for all you angst lovers out there), Angst, Childhood Friends to Lovers, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Growing Up Together, Happy Ending, Humor, Light Smut, M/M, Mental Illness, Pure Love, SKAM Fic Week, SKAM Weeks, Sharing a Bed, Teenagers exploring their sexuality together, Verbal Fighting, bed sharing through the ages, don't read if that bothers you
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-21
Updated: 2020-08-21
Packaged: 2021-03-05 21:21:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,735
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25982014
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Evakkk/pseuds/Evakkk
Summary: Isak and Even's moms have been friends forever, so whenever things are bad in the Valtersen home, Isak's mom drops him at the Bech Naesheim home. That's how is starts.This is the story of Isak and Even growing up together, as told through various stages of their lives, that centre around bed sharing.I know this type of story has been written many times... so I'm hoping to add some originality and a lot of feels, to keep it interesting!Enjoy Fetus Evak... All the way up to university Evak... and the emotional journey it's going to take to get them there!
Relationships: Even Bech Næsheim & Isak Valtersen, Even Bech Næsheim/Isak Valtersen
Comments: 31
Kudos: 145





	Sharing is Caring

**Author's Note:**

> This is my contribution to Skam Week! I hope people will like it! 
> 
> Please comment if you do! 
> 
> I'm using this for Day 2 (bed sharing) and Day 5 (childhood friends to lovers), since it really fits both.
> 
> This is the first story I've written outside my multi chaptered fic in years... so I really hope it gets some support... I'm slightly terrified to put anything out there these days :(

**ISAK 4, EVEN 6**

Isak is 4 years old the first time it happens. 

He's playing in his room, when the fighting downstairs gets so bad, he starts to feel really scared. 

Of course, he's heard his mama & papa fight before... but this feels different somehow. 

His papa keeps yelling that his mama is crazy. And Isak can't really understand what his mama is saying... be he's sure he just heard something break. 

Suddenly, the fighting gets louder, and Isak realizes they are coming up the stairs. 

This startles him so much, he grabs his favourite stuffed bear, the one Even had given him for his last birthday, the one that always smells like Even... his very favourite person in the world, and runs to hide inside his closet. 

After what feels like hours, but is really just a couple of minutes, his bedroom door flies open, and Isak is so scared now, he buries his face inside Mr. Cardamom (don't ask him about the weird name... Even had chosen it), and starts to cry as quietly as he can. Afraid if his parents hear him, they will find him. 

"Isak, where are you? Come out here right now!" His mama is yelling, and now he is shaking so hard, he isn't sure he can stay quiet anymore. 

He hears drawers being pulled open, and a second later the closet door flies open, and his mama's eyes fall on him. 

Instantly, her face changes from furious, to heart broken. "Oh baby, come here." She reaches for him, and even though he's terrified, he goes willingly into her arms. His mama gives him a quick back rub, and then settles him on the bed, continuing to grab things from his drawers, and stuff them into a bag. 

"It's going to be ok, baby. Me and papa just need to have some time alone, ok? I'm going to take you to Even's now." 

Before Isak even has a chance to stop crying, he's being picked up off the bed and carried swiftly out the front door. 

"Mama, can you please stay, too? I'm scared." Isak cries softly into his mama's neck. 

"No baby. It's better for you to be with the Bech Naesheim's right now." 

"But mama..." Isak whimpers. 

"I said NO, Isak!" His mama's tone is suddenly so sharp, Isak goes dead quiet. Now he just wants down from her arms. Now she is scaring him, too. Now he just wants his Even. 

He curls tighter around Mr. Cardamom. 

It only takes a few minutes until his mama is knocking on the door 5 houses down. Isak's favourite place in the world. 

"Oh, Marianne. I wasn't expecting you." Isak hears Mrs. Bech Naesheim's surprised voice. 

"Here Liv, I need you to take Isak." Without any notice, Isak feels himself being unceremoniously shoved from his mother's arms, into Liv's. He quickly snaps his head back around to look at his mama with panicked tear filled eyes. "Mama!!" He cries. 

"I'll be back in a few days, baby. I love you." 

Isak watches in shock as his mama walks back down the porch steps, and disappears down the street. 

When he finally turns his tear streaked face back towards Even's mom, he sees a similar look of shock and sadness on her face. 

Finally, she seems to catch herself, and turns to look at the crying little boy in her arms. "Oh sweety, it's going to be ok. I've got you." She cradles him more tightly to her chest, and kicks the door closed, heading into the house. "Even baby, can you come down here, please?" She shouts up the stairs. 

It's strange how quickly Isak starts to feel better once he's inside this house. It's the most comforting place in the world. He can smell fresh baking coming from the kitchen, he can hear the nightly news playing from living room, but best of all, he can hear little feet running for the stairs. 

_Even._

"What's going on mom?" Even asks as he's running down the stairs.

Once, he spots the little boy in Liv's arms, he heads straight for Isak. Pulling on his leg, trying to get his mom to put Isak down. 

Isak starts to wiggle his way to the ground, and as soon as his feet hit the floor, Even has his big lanky arms wrapped all the way around him, squeezing him into a super tight bear hug. Even is so tall already, his arms go all the way around Isak, and Isak is the perfect height to fit right under Even's chin. 

"Don't cry Issy! I hate it when you cry. What's going on?" Even whispers into his hair. 

"I don't know, Evy. Mama just brought me here. They were fighting again." Isak hiccups, sounding very muffled into Even's chest. 

"Mom, can I take Isak up to my room?" Even is in full protective mode, not letting go of Isak for a second. 

It makes Liv's heart melt. "Isak, did you have anything to eat tonight? Are you hungry, sweety?" 

Isak doesn't want to leave Even's hug, so he just turns his head and tells her he's not hungry, just really sleepy. 

"Oh wow, I didn't realize how late it is." Liv says, surprised. "Well since you're already in your pyjamas, I guess we better get you two into bed."

Even moves, so only one arm is wrapped around Isak's back, and guides him up the stairs. It's not like Isak doesn't know where Even's room is, but he's not going to complain about the comfort Even is providing him right now. He feels really shaken up inside his heart. 

It's not until they get to Even's room, that Even finally lets go of Isak. He heads to his drawers and starts putting on his pjs, while his mom gets the bed ready. 

"Isak, do you want to stay and play in Even's room for a bit, or do you want to go straight to bed, in the spare room?" Liv asks, kindly. 

Isak's heart speeds up. He has to go sleep in the big room, alone?

"No!" Even suddenly interrupts his thoughts. "Isak can stay with me. It will be like our first big boy sleep over!" 

"Oh... well yes, I suppose you can both share if you'd like? I just thought it might be comfier if Isak has his own bed, instead of sharing your little twin bed." Liv points out. 

"I want to stay here!" Isak pleads, his big watery eyes pointing straight up at Liv. 

"Oh, sweety, of course you can." 

"Come on Isak, you hop in first. It's always safer on the side closest to the wall. That way I can protect you!" Even tells Isak, with a big confident smile. Trying to make his best friend feel better. He hates seeing Isak look so tiny and sad. 

Isak slowly makes his way over to the bed, still clutching Mr. Cardamom for dear life. 

Even is waiting for him, and takes his arm to help guide him to his side of the bed. Quickly hopping in after him, making the bed bounce, trying to make Isak giggle. 

Isak's eyes go wide when he feels himself bouncing, but he's not ready to laugh just yet. Even understands. 

"Ok boys, it's late, so you try to get some sleep." She pulls the covers up, and tucks them both in. "Isak, sweetheart, I'll be just downstairs if you need anything, ok? I know you're a bit scared, but everything will be ok. Me and Even are here for you no matter what, ok? And your mama and papa just need to have a little talk. I know they didn't mean to scare you." She gives him a soft kiss on his forehead, that makes Isak's eyes flutter closed, from how nice it feels. "I promise in the morning, we will have your favourite pancakes!" 

"Thank you, Liv." Isak whispers, back to her. 

"I love you both, so much." She gives them each one more kiss, before heading for the door. 

As soon as she's gone, Even flips on his side to face Isak. 

"Are you gonna be ok, Issy?" He asks quietly. 

Isak doesn't answer right away. He just lays there looking up at the ceiling, clutching his teddy bear to his chest. 

"It's ok, you don't need to answer. I know you're going to be ok. Because I'm older than you, and I just know more stuff." 

Now _that_ does make Isak laugh a little. 

"No way, Evy. I am the smart one. Everyone knows that." Isak grins. 

Immediately he feels a little jab to his ribs. "No way! You can't be smarter because you're just little!" Even laughs. 

Isak huffs, rolling to face Even, not even noticing when Mr. Cardamom rolls off his chest, landing somewhere between his back and the wall. "I am NOT just little! You just wait, soon I'm going to be way bigger than you! I'm going to be all tall and muscly... and you will stay this height and be a string bean, forever!" Isak pokes Even back, right in the stomach. 

"Hey!" Even laughs. "That hurt!"

Isak rolls his eyes. He is the master of eye rolling. Even at the tender age of 4. "That did _not_ hurt, you big baby!" 

"Oh ya!" Even challenges. 

Isak did not like the look on Even's face. 

Suddenly both Even's hands shoot across the tiny space between them, and start pinching the sensitive skin over Isak's ribcage. 

"Noooooo!" Isak squeaks, torn between laughter and the desire to get away from Even's daft tickling little fingers. Soon Isak was crying for a whole new reason. A much more pleasant one this time!

"Stop, stop! I quit! You win! _I am the littlest baby!_ " Isak huffs out, catching his breath, as Even relents, having heard what he wanted to hear. 

When Isak finally settles his head back on the pillow, he looks across the bed, and finds himself staring right at Even's big smile, the one that crinkles all the way to his eyes. 

"You're the worst." Isak pouts. 

"That's ok, because you love me, anyway." Even shrugs, his smile becoming softer now. 

They just lay like that for a while. On their sides facing each other, the room in total silence. Neither boy even notices that their hands are clasping each others between them, having fallen like that after their tickle war. 

Isak has so much adrenaline pumping through his tiny body, first from being so scared at home, and then from the tickle war with Even, that it takes a long time for him to start to feel sleepy. 

He watches as Even's eyes start to droop. Slowly, little by little, until Even is breathing soft little snores. 

Isak decides it's ok to close his eyes now. Listening to Even's breathing helps him feel safe.

Before he does, he leans forward just a little bit, so his forehead is brushing feather soft against Even's. 

"You're right, Even. I do love you the mostest."

**ISAK 8, EVEN 10**

It's night 3 of Isak's current stay with the Bech Naesheim's. 

His mama didn't need to bring him to Even's anymore. As soon as Isak sensed it was going to be one of _those_ fights, he packed his bag, climbed down from his window, and headed for the yellow house 5 doors down. 

Liv Bech Naesheim was so used to Isak just letting himself in after all these years, she would simply poke her head out of the kitchen, give him a sympathetic smile and a hug, and then send him off in whichever direction he could find Even. 

Tonight, Isak and Even are playing Even's new nintendo, knowing that any minute now, Liv is going to come up and tell them it's bed time. 

School nights are the worst. 

Sure enough, just as Isak beats Even in the fourth consecutive Mario kart race (he's starting to wonder if Even is letting him win), there is a soft knock on the door, and Liv pops her head in. "Sorry my darling boys, but it's that time. Say goodnight to Mario and Luigi, and get those little butts into bed!" 

They both groan simultaneously... but do as they're told. 

It's right about this time, that Isak gets hit with the memory of a conversation he had at school today with Jonas... and feels like someone karate chopped him right in his tummy. 

He looks up to see if Even noticed him acting weird, and gets a face full of Even's butt, as he's midway through putting on his pjs. 

Isak feels his cheeks turn bright red, and quickly looks away. 

After they've done the usual brushing their teeth together, and take turns peeing routine, they return to Even's room. Isak dragging his feet a little. 

As always, Even walks over to the bed, and lifts the blankets for Isak to get in. But Isak doesn't move. He is just standing in the middle of the room, looking at his feet. 

He can't even explain how he's feeling. It's like he doesn't have the emotional vocabulary, for all the weird feelings swirling around in his head. Thanks a lot stupid Jonas, and his stupid questions. 

"Ummm, Isak? My arm is getting kind of tired here. What's going on?" Even asks him, confused by Isak's odd behaviour.

It takes Isak a couple more seconds before he forces out what's on his mind. "Even... do you think it's weird that we still share your twin bed?"

Even drops the blankets and turns his whole body towards Isak, with a very clear and forceful, "No."

Isak can feel Even's eyes on him. Making his cheeks turn even redder. But he still can't meet his eyes.

"Issy, where is this coming from?" Even's voice is softer now. Genuinely concerned.

"It's just that, I said something about sleeping with you, and Jonas made it seem really weird... that we are two older boys now, still sharing a bed." Isak rushes on. "I don't know, Even. We've just always done things this way, so I guess I never really thought about it."

Even takes a moment to think about this. "Do you feel weird sharing a bed with me?"

Now Isak's eyes shoot up to meet Even's. "Of course not! I didn't mean it like that!"

"Well then why do you care so much about what Jonas thinks?" Isak isn't really sure, he's not so good at this yet, but he thinks maybe he hurt Even's feelings.

"I don't know. I guess because he's my friend, and it just made me think about it more." Isak is looking at his feet again. 

"Well, I don't really know what to say, Isak. You don't _have_ to sleep in my bed. I just thought we liked being close like that. I guess I thought we were more special than what other people think is normal. But you should do whatever you want. It's your choice." Even turns away and gets into bed. He flicks off the main light, so all that is left, is the soft lamp light they always leave on, because Isak is afraid of total darkness. 

There is a long silence. A silence that feels like years to Isak, standing awkwardly in the middle of the room, wanting nothing more in this life, then to be in his safe little space between Even and the wall. 

"Even?" Isak finally breaks the silence when he can't take it anymore. 

Even lets out a great big sigh, like he's been holding his breath, turning on his side to look at Isak. "Ya, Issy?" 

"What I want is to be in that bed with you. I never feel safer than when I'm hidden from the world between you and the wall." Isak whispers, so quiet he's not even sure Even can hear him. "I just feel really confused sometimes. Because I feel really different about you, than my other friends. And I don't understand why. So when people tell me there are things that are weird about you and me... it makes me even more confused."

"Issy, can you come here, please? I hate seeing you all alone over there, looking so small and scared." Even reaches out his hand, and Isak rushes forward to take it. Feeling so relieved that the invisible divide between them, is gone now. 

Even pulls Isak to sit facing him on the bed. "What do you mean you feel different about me, than your other friends?" 

Isak feels his cheeks flush again. "I don't really know how to explain it, Evy. But it's like... I feel more feelings when I'm with you, I feel safe all the time when you're around, I think about things I don't think about when I'm around my other friends, like how sometimes you look so pretty it makes me feel butterflies in my tummy. Or like, how I've never wanted to share a bed when I sleepover at Jonas' house, but I really like it when I wake up, and you have your arm around me."

Even squeezes Isak's hand, still held tightly in his own. "I feel a lot of those things, too."

Isak stares hard into Even's eyes. "You do!?"

Even nods. "You are the only person outside of my family, that I feel love for. I know it's love, because it's a much stronger feeling than what I feel for any of my other friends. It's more like what I feel about my family, but different too. I don't know what it is either, but there is something more to how I feel about you." 

Isak looks down at their intertwined hands, again. "But Even, is it normal to feel this way about a friend?"

"Who cares about being normal? Shouldn't it be more important that we make each other feel safe and happy?" Even sounds so sure of himself. 

"But do other friends feel this way about each other?" Isak, still doesn't really understand his feelings. 

"I think they do. Maybe not all of them. But there are boys who love boys, and friends who love friends, and girls who love boys and girls, and all kinds of things that like. So maybe we are like that?"

Isak thinks about this a little bit. It still doesn't really fix all his confusing thoughts though. But he finds it comforting somehow. "So you think it's normal that I can really like Jonas as a friend, but also love you as a friend?" 

"Definitely." Even smiles at him. "As long as you love me the most, that's all that really matters!" 

They both burst out laughing at that, Isak pushing Even's hand away and calling him a big dork. Secretly though, he's just really happy Even broke the tension in the room. 

Isak quickly crawls into his spot on the bed, laying down, before anymore thoughts or questions can pop into his head. 

He just wants to lay down with Even, and feel normal again. 

Even quickly follows suit, laying down on his side, and pushing softly at Isak's side, trying to hint to him to turn his back to Even. 

Isak has never flipped onto his side so fast in his life, his head is so full of confusing thoughts now, he can't wait to be cuddled to sleep by his favourite person. 

Sure enough, seconds later, Even's arm comes over his side, and Isak lets out a very pleased sigh. 

They stay like that for a few minutes, when suddenly Even breaks the silence. "Issy?

"Hmmm?" They are so quiet now, their voices are barely more than air between them. 

"Would it be ok if I tried something?" 

Isak keeps his eyes closed, too tired to turn around. "Sure, whatever, Evy."

Isak squishes his little nose in frustration, when he feels Even shift a bit behind him, taking some of his cuddly warmth away. But then he feels a soft breath of air on his cheek, and realizes Even is leaning over his side.

Isak is so still now, he couldn't breathe, even if he wanted to. Fire works are suddenly exploding inside his tummy.

Then he feels it. A pair of super soft squishy lips press to his cheek, just at the very corner of his mouth, just for the quickest second, before Even pulls back.

"Goodnight, my little love."

Isak is suddenly sure of at least one of his feelings. No one could ever make him feel this happy, ever again. No one but his Even.

**ISAK 13, EVEN 15**

Even is startled from his late night reading, by a loud banging on his front door. Instinctively, he senses something is very wrong. 

He goes running down the stairs, somehow just knowing in his gut, it must be Isak.

Sure enough, when he opens the door, Isak is standing with his arms curled around his middle, shivering in the pouring rain. 

"Oh my god, Is! Come inside!" Even reaches out, and pulls Isak inside the house. He quickly realizes Isak is not shivering from the cold, he is shaking apart from how hard he's sobbing. 

"Oh Isak!" Even pulls him into a fierce bear hug. Soggy clothes, be damned. 

They stay like that for a few minutes, Isak crying himself out into Even's neck. 

Once Isak's breathing starts to switch to gentle hiccuping, Even pulls back and takes his wet cheeks between his hands. "What happened, Issy?"

A fresh wave of tears, burst from Isak's eyes. "He's gone. He just left." Isak swallows, heavily. "Packed a suitcase, and said he can't handle her anymore... and then just left." 

"Piece of shit!!" Ok, so not the most gracious response in the world, but that prick of a father, has been letting Isak down, as long as Even had known him. "I can't believe he would just leave you like that!" 

"It's for real this time, Even. I just know it is. It felt completely different. I could just see it in his eyes when he looked at me. He's not coming back." Isak sobs. 

"Fuck." Even pulls Isak back into his chest. He really doesn't know what to say. He's pretty sure there isn't anything he can say, that would make this any better. So he just lets Isak hold him and cry himself out. 

Eventually, Isak pulls back, wipes his dripping nose on his sleeve, and whispers, "sorry."

"No. Don't do that, Is. You have nothing to be sorry for. Come on, let's go upstairs, it's late." Even knows there is nothing he can say to make this better, but he damn sure going to hold Isak, make him feel loved and safe.

Even takes Isak's hand, and they make their way up to Even's bedroom.

"Here, let me get you some dry pjs."

Isak is shivering again, and Even quickly grabs him his favourite worn out hoodie and sweats to sleep in. He could swear he saw Isak bury his nose in the clothes, before he put them on.

"Do you need anything before we go to bed? Food? Bathroom?" Even inquires.

Isak doesn't answer right away. He's staring very intently at Even. 

Even's eyebrows shoot up a little, in question. What is that look about? 

"Umm, Is?"

Isak slowly takes a couple steps forward, closing most of the space between them. Before Isak looks down at his feet, Even notices how flushed his pretty pink cheeks are. 

"There is only one thing I need, Evy. The only thing I've ever _really_ needed." 

Even feels his whole body heating up. Isak is stepping even closer to him now, and before he has a chance to fully process things, Isak's hands are on his face, and he's leaning in towards him. 

Even's eyes go wide, and he instinctively takes a step back. 

"Isak! What are you doing?" Even gasps, shocked. 

Isak's face switches from hurt to pissed, in the blink of an eye. "Are you fucking kidding me, Even!?" 

"Isak, you're upset... you we're literally crying your heart out, not five minutes ago!"

"So what! What does that have to do with anything!?" Isak looks like he's about to cry again, Even just wants to hug him. "What has it all been for huh, Even? You've been telling me you love me for fucking _years!_ We've been walking this tightrope of feelings and cuddles and hints and all of it for _years!_ And then when I try to kiss you... you pull away! Are you fucking kidding me, right now?" 

Even is dumbfounded. This is without a doubt, not at all how he expected this night to go. 

"Isak, this has nothing to do with me not loving you, or anything that we've shared in the past... you are clearly upset. You just had this big traumatic thing happen to you. Does this really feel like the right time for us to have our first kiss?" 

Isak chokes on his words for a few seconds, and Even hates it. He hates seeing Isak struggling with his emotions, and not knowing what to do or say to him. 

"I just _needed_ you, Even! Since when it is wrong to look to the person you love the most for comfort! I thought you loved me, too!" Isak stomps his foot in frustration, before his eyes suddenly turn mean. A look Even doesn't recognize. "Or maybe I'm the crazy one, huh? Is that it? You tell me you love me, you hold me every night, you make me feel all these feelings... but now you make me feel like I'm crazy for doing something about it?"

"Isak, stop it, please. You don't mean these things." Even, pleads with him. 

"Don't tell me what I mean! I know how I feel Even! Maybe it's you who doesn't know, huh? Mister I can love anything... I love boys, I love girls, I can fall in love with a plant! Is that what this is? You wanted to have me along for the ride... but now that you're in high school, and see how many options you have, suddenly I'm not the one you love anymore? Or maybe, you do love me. But obviously not like _that?"_

Isak finally tires himself out. Taking a deep breath from all the yelling.

He can no longer look Even in the eye. He wraps his arms around himself, looks to the floor, and feels a fresh round of sobs coming up, from deep in his chest. 

"FUCK!" He screams. Doubling over, feeling sick with himself. 

It takes a minute for Even to shake himself from his stupor. He is stunned. To say the least. 

"Isak?" He tries to use a reassuring voice, to get Isak's attention, not knowing if he'd be welcome, if he tried to approach Isak right now. 

"I'm sorry." Isak manages to hiccup, between his sobs. "I can't lose you, too. Please, I'm so fucking sorry." 

Ok. Even is so done with the space dividing him from Isak. 

He quickly closes the divide between them, grabbing Isak's face again, and forcing him to look at him. 

"Isak, you are never going to lose me. I need you to hear that." Even shakes Isak's a little. "Is that clear?"

Isak nods weakly. Sniffling. 

"I am honestly feeling so whiplashed from what just happened. But I'm not going anywhere. We promised we would always be there for each other, remember?" Even tries to give Isak a weak smile. "Don't you know it's illegal to break promises you made when you were five years old?" 

This actually gets a weak chuckle out of Isak. Even considers that a win, given the circumstance. 

"Ok, can we sit for a minute and talk about what just happened?" Even tries, brushing some of the tears off Isak's cheeks. 

Isak groans, covering his face with the oversized sleeves of Even's hoodie. "Do we have to? Can we just forget about my little outburst, please?"

"Not a chance, Is." Even pushes him towards the bed. "Park it." 

They each take a side of the bed, and Isak starts to play with some of the loose threads on Even's duvet. "I'm sorry I freaked out on you like that. I'm obviously a mess tonight. I was just so embarrassed, and when I'm embarrassed, I lash out." 

"Embarrassed because you tried to kiss me?" 

"Even!" Isak groans, blushing blood red. 

"Issy, come on. We have to talk about it." Even gives him a serious look. 

"Why? I shouldn't have done it. I get it, ok. You don't want to kiss me, and I'm really embarrassed about it, so can we please pretend it never happened?" Isak pleads.

"Isak, give me your hand." Isak reluctantly reaches one of his hands out of the hoodie sleeve, and places it in Even's. "First thing, you have nothing to be embarrassed about. That's the beauty of me and you, we are so close, we never have to be embarrassed around each other." Even winks, and Isak giggles a little. "Second, of course I want to kiss you!"

"What!?" Isak gasps. 

"Of course I do, Issy. Contrary to what you seem to believe, I am very much in love with you that way. Heck, I think I have been before I even knew what attraction meant. And you are also the only person... or plant for that matter, that I've ever wanted to kiss." Even gives him an unimpressed single eyebrow raise, referencing Isak's earlier little dig at his pansexual identity, and Isak's face colours again with shame. "I told you about my feelings and attractions, because I trust you, Is. I want you to know everything about me, and for you to always be able to tell me everything, as well. But I really don't appreciate you using those things, as a way to attack me. That really hurt."

Even can see Isak's bottom lip starting to wobble again, tears welling up in his eyes. So he rushes on to distract him. 

"I also didn't tell you those things to worry you. I guess it never even occurred to me that you would question my feelings for you, because of the way I identify. This might sound weird, but I guess because me and you have always just kind of... _been_ whatever we are... I didn't even really consider that as a part of my sexual discovery. It's like it's just a part of me that's always been there, and will always be there. The you and me part, I mean. Does that even make sense?" 

Isak peaks up at him from under his long wet eyelashes. "Not really..." 

Even can't help but laugh. "I guess I'm just trying to say, no matter what I discover about myself throughout life, it's always just 'in addition' to what we already are, Isak. I just kind of always assumed, when you were ready, and if you decided you were sure you felt the same, things would just progress in whatever way they were going to progress for us... preferably romantically, from my point of view. But, we have never really talked about that, Issy." 

Isak doesn't respond to all of this right away. Needs some time to process everything Even is trying to tell him. 

When he's ready, he thinks he knows where he needs to start. "Even... ummm, I guess I've never really told you this, or anyone actually... but you know I only like boys in that way, right?" 

"Well I do now. Thank you for telling me, Issy." Even gives him an encouraging smile. 

"I guess it's more like, I find other boys in movies and stuff attractive... but I don't feel about any of them, the way I do about you. Like I guess I kind of fantasize about them sometimes, but not in the same way I think about being with you. Like in my heart, I just don't think of other boys as people I want to be in relationships with, because I kind of feel like we already are, even though we aren't really." 

"But that's what you want? For us to be together, like a couple?" Even asks. 

If Isak blushes any harder, his cheeks are going to actually explode. "Well ya." He chokes out. 

"Ok, great." Even leans forward, planting a wet kiss on Isak's bright red cheek. "See how much better things work out when we talk about them, first!" He teases. 

"Ya, ya, ya." Isak rolls his eyes. 

"But I still don't think tonight is the right time for us to do anything else, Is. Especially have our first kiss. You've had a really rough night, and your emotions must be a big time mess. I don't want you to regret anything, when you're feeling better."

Isak squeezes Even's hand this time. "I could never regret you." Before Even can interrupt again, Isak goes on. "But I get what you're saying. When we look back in fifty years, I don't want the memory of our first kiss, to be the night my dad left us, and me and you had our first big fight." 

"I'm really sorry you didn't get the family you deserve, Issy." Even whispers, into the quiet that's settled over them now. 

"Maybe." Isak whispers back. "But I did get the greatest best friend anyone could ever ask for. And a pretty amazing second family, because of him." 

Now it's Even, who can't get any words past the sudden tightness in his throat. 

Isak brings both of Even's hands up to his mouth, placing a feather light kiss on his knuckles. "Seriously, thank you for always saving me, and for sharing your family with me. I really don't know where I would be, or who I would be... if I didn't have you." 

When Even still hasn't said anything back, Isak looks up at him, surprised to see Even's face in a disgruntled frown. 

"What is it, Ev?" 

Even groans. "You have no idea how badly I want to kiss you right now!" 

They both burst out laughing. Isak groaning and tackling Even back onto the bed. "You suck!"

"I know I do!" Even chuckles out. 

"Ugh, well you're just going to have to settle for the next best thing." Isak grumbles, laying on his side, facing the wall. "Get you lanky ass over here and cuddle me. I've had a long night." And with that he fluffs the pillow under his head, and closes his eyes. 

Leaving Even, gaping down at him, from behind. "Oh so that's how it's going to be, huh?" 

Isak just sighs, reaching one hand back to pull on Even's T-shirt, not even bothering to open his eyes. "Come on." 

Even smiles to himself, arranging his long body into the tiny space around Isak's back. His favourite spot in the world. Between Isak and the door, where he feels like he has the power to protect Isak from anything. 

**ISAK 15, EVEN 17**

Isak hates parties. 

Ok, maybe hate is a strong word. 

It's not like he doesn't understand why other people like them. It's a chance to be social, let loose, dance, and of course, meet someone special. 

But here's the thing... Isak isn't particularly social with strangers, he hates dancing, and he already has his someone special. 

So all in all, he'd rather be in bed with pizza, Netflix, and his Evy. 

But this is a graduation party for Even's class, and it was important to Even that Isak come along to celebrate with him. So here he is. 

Right on cue, another drunk frat boy type comes sauntering over to where Isak is leaning on the wall, nursing his third beer, and playing around on his phone. 

As soon as Isak sees the guy approaching in his peripheral vision, he lets out a huge sigh. This always happens. Some gay and or bi-curious guy will hear that there is a new cute younger gay guy at the party, and just _have_ to come hit on him. 

This is why he gets so annoyed, when his social butterfly of a boyfriend, inevitably gets distracted by someone, and Isak ends up left to his own devices. 

"Well hello there." Isak feels warm stale beer breath brush across his cheek. He is already annoyed by how close this guy is leaning over him. 

He takes a step aside, before throwing the dude a cursory glance, and an uninterested "hey." Hoping he takes the hint, and keeps on wandering.

"Wow, you have the cutest little cupid's bow lips. Has anyone ever told you that?" The douche puts his arm up on the wall by Isak's head, stepping a little closer again. 

Isak full body sighs now. Puts his phone back in his pocket, and steps away from the wall. Looking the douche directly in his face. "Look, let me save you some time. I have a boyfriend, so maybe go run your lines on someone else?" 

To Isak's surprise, the guy just smiles at him, chuckling. "And I have a girlfriend. Why should we let that stop us from having a little fun at a party?" He puts out a hand for Isak to shake. "I'm Chris, by the way." 

Isak squishes his nose in distaste. "Well, I'm disgusted. Your girlfriend must feel like one lucky lady, huh?"

Right as the guy's expression finally turns a little sour. Isak feels a familiar lanky arm wrap around his waist, and a second later, a soft kiss lands on his cheek. "How's it going, baby?"

Isak turns very happily away from the creeper, and wraps both his arms around Even's waist. "Ready to go, when you are, babe." 

"You want to leave?" Even asks, looking a little disappointed. 

"Doesn't really seem like much of a party guy, that little twink of yours, Bech Naesheim." Even finally seems to notice Chris, looking at him with revulsion. 

"Don't fucking call me a twink." Isak growls. "At least I'm not a pig."

Even puts a hand on Isak's back, leading him deeper into the party. "Don't waste your breath on douche bags like him, Is. High school will be the peak of his life, might as well let him enjoy it while he can." 

Even leads Isak into the middle of the party, and before he realizes it, he feels Even's hands slipping to his hips, trying to persuade them to move side to side. 

"Even, no!" Isak curls away from him. "You know I can't dance."

"Of course you can! We've danced plenty before, baby! You're so hot when you dance with me." Even gives him his best puppy dog eyes. 

"Ugh... don't give me that look. You know I can't say no to it!" Isak rolls his eyes, feeling himself getting pulled into Even's chest.

Isak's arms go automatically around Even's neck, their foreheads falling together, as they sway and grind to the beat. 

Ok, so Isak doesn't hate this either. 

The way Even's eyes are so focused on him, the way their bodies move together in the perfect slow grind, the light sheen of sweat he can feel on Even's body... ya he can lose himself in this, all right. 

The rest of the party fades away, as Even gets closer to him, pushing their bodies right up against each other, his thigh moving against Isak in a way that's got Isak panting against Even's lips.

Finally, Even bits on Isak's lower lip, before pulling him into a deep, probably pretty indecent kiss, for such a public setting.

Isak is on fire. Completely lost in Even.

At least until some asshole walks right by them, shouting over the music, "get a room!"

Their mouths pull apart, Isak panting, and Even staring down at him with nothing but fierce passion in his eyes. "You want to?"

"Want to what?" Isak breathes. 

"Get a room." 

"Oh. Here?" Isak asks, feeling a little scandalized. 

"Ya, come on. I know where Yousef's spare room is. He said we could stay there if we drank too much, anyway." Even grabs Isak's hand and starts pulling him through hallways, until finally he finds the door he's looking for, pulls Isak inside, and kicks it closed with his foot. 

"Make sure it's locked!" Isak hisses. 

Click. Done. 

Even comes towards him like a predator stalking its prey, grabbing him around the waist on the way to the bed, and pulling Isak into his lap, once he reaches his destination. 

It's so hot. Isak loves when Even gets all passionate and dominant like this. 

"You were so hot dancing like that." Even presses wet kisses along the underside of his neck, all the way up to his ear. "Don't ever try to tell me you can't dance. You're amazing at it." 

Isak wants to come up with a quick witted retort to that. He really does. 

Instead he grinds down on Even's lap, and moans when he feels Even's hardness against his own. 

Exploring this side of their relationship is still so new to them. Even always being so damn insistent on taking things slow, not rushing Isak, just because he's older than him. 

"Fuck you look really sexy right now, Is. You have no idea what you to do me when you get like this." Even's voice is so low now, it's almost a growl. 

Puberty was very nice to his boyfriend. Very nice indeed. 

"Lay down, Even. Please." Isak pants. 

Even pulls back from his neck, looking a little surprised, and a lot intrigued. 

Isak starts pushing on his shoulders, trying to encourage him to scoot back up the bed, and lay on his back. 

It doesn't take much encouraging. 

As soon as Even is laying flat, Isak crawls back into his lap, and starts unbuttoning his pants. This is still familiar territory. They've fooled around enough before, to be very effective at the clothes removal part. 

Even's pants go flying over Isak's shoulder, and then Isak leans up to give Even a wet hot kiss. Grinding down just a little bit, to ease some of the pressure building inside his own jeans. 

When he pulls back, he stays close, looking down at Even. "I want to try it." He tells him softly, cheeks flushing.

Even's eyes go wide as saucers. "Really! Here, now?"

"I've had just enough beer to ease my usual nerves, and I'm just really turned on right now." Isak confesses. 

Even nods right away, trying to hide his obvious excitement. "No pressure though! Like you can stop at anytime." 

Isak laughs at Even's attempts to play it cool. "I know that." With one last kiss, he scoots back down to Even's thighs. 

Isak gives Even one last shy smile, then pulls his boxers down, revealing Even's long perfect cock. 

He gives it a few confident strokes... at least this part he knows he's good at... before leaning forward and trying to emulate how Even would start giving him a blow job.

He tests out the unfamiliar feeling against his tongue, the slightly bitter taste of Even. Then wraps his lips around the head, and tries a few wet sucking motions.

Even's legs jerk so hard, he almost bucks Isak right off of him. "Shit, fuck, shit." Even groans. "I'm sorry, I was trying not to jerk my hips up, and force myself into your mouth... so my knees jerked up instead."

Isak can't help but laugh a little at Even's strained expression. "It's ok, Evy. Just try and relax this time!"

"Ugh! Easier said than done! You're not the one living your most frequent wet dream, right now!" Even actually looks pained. It's hilarious.

"You dream about this?" Isak asks, pleased.

"Of course I do! I'm a teenage boy, with a gorgeous boyfriend. What the fuck do you think I dream about?"

Isak responds to this by lowering his head back to his task, with renewed vigour.

He takes Even in more and more, getting used to the feeling as he goes. Sucking, licking, swirling with his tongue. He knows better than to try deep throating on his first go. Given the sounds of ecstasy coming from Even, he seems to be doing just fine, without it. 

After a few more minutes, he feels Even's hand let go of the sheets, and fly into his hair, grabbing hard. "Fuck Isak, I'm gonna cum!" 

Isak hadn't thought about this, is he supposed to stop, or is Even expecting him to swallow? 

Deciding in a split second, he's not ready for that, he yanks his head back, and Even seems to be ready for this, pulling his boxers back up, and finishing himself neatly into the fabric. 

Isak watches this in fascination. He doesn't think he will ever get used to the way he feels when he watches Even cum. The way his face scrunches up in pure ecstasy, and Isak knows he did _that._ It is the hottest thing he has ever experienced. It makes his own lower belly squirm, his balls clenching tight. He can't help but let his hand squeeze himself through his jeans, feeling a little embarrassed, as he can't hold back his own release. 

Once they both catch their breath, Even starts making grabby hands for him, clearly too tired to get up and move. 

Blushing harder than ever, Isak slips down from the bed. "Ummm just one second. I need to use the washroom." 

Even stops him, quickly grabbing his wrist as he tries to get off the bed, and make a run for the ensuite. Isak can't quite meet his eye. 

"Isak, hey, don't do that. You don't have to hide anything from me. It's not embarrassing. We are literally teenagers. Coming in our pants is a right of passage." This does get a chuckle out of Isak. 

"Ok, but I still need to go to the bathroom... this feels disgusting. " Isak scrunches up his nose. 

Even barks out a laugh. "Fair enough, I guess we will both be leaving here commando tomorrow." 

Once they are cleaned up, and ready to actually get in bed and sleep, Even makes sure to leave the bathroom door open a crack so there is still a little bit of light in the room for Isak, and crawls into his spot tucked up against Isak's back. 

"Issy?" 

"Hmm?"

"How are you feeling about what we just did?" Even asks, stroking his fingers gently across Isak's chest. 

That is so just like Even. Needing to talk about everything. Always checking in to make sure Isak is ok. 

Fuck he loves him. 

"Ummm, good I think. It was a bit weird at first. But like a good weird. I definitely want to do it again. I actually like the way I felt doing that. Kind of powerful, and I really love that I can make you react that way."

"Ya, I get that." Even squeezes Isak a little bit. "So no regrets? You're still gay?" 

"Oh my God, Even!" Isak kicks his leg back, nailing Even in his shin bone. 

"Ow! What, I meant it!" Even grumbles. "I just don't want you to do anything you don't like, because you feel like you should, or have to reciprocate. Nothing until you're ready." 

"I know that, Even. Trust me... no teenager has ever felt _less_ pressure to have sex. You are literally the anti-typical teenage boyfriend." 

"Awww baby, that's the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me!"

"Go to sleep, Even." 

Isak is so content in that moment, he feels it all the way into his bones. "You know, maybe it's time we invest in one of these queen beds. I think we may be outgrowing your twin size, babe." 

"Nope." 

"Nope?" Isak repeats, quizzically. 

"Too much room for you to roll away from me in the night." 

Oh. 

**ISAK 18, EVEN 20**

Isak walks into their apartment. 

Immediately, he is hit with the heaviness and the silence of the space. 

It kills him a little more, each and every day, that this continues. 

This is his favourite place in the world. It's nothing fancy. A tiny one bedroom apartment, with only the bare minimum for furnishings. 

But it's _theirs_. 

His first home, that has really felt like a safe place. 

Now though, the air is permeated with a heavy sense of dread. The exact opposite of Isak's favourite days. The days when he comes home to Even singing in their tiny kitchen, baking up some new treat, or yelling profanities at the characters in a video game, or even better, drawing away on their bed, so absorbed in his work, he doesn't even notice Isak watching him from the doorway. 

Today is nothing like those days. 

Today is day 5 of a depressive episode that hit Even like a freight train. 

Neither of them had seen it coming. Which somehow, made it worse for both of them. 

Isak makes his way quietly through their tiny flat. Trying not to disturb Even. 

Even though these days are hard, Isak still wouldn't want to be anywhere else in the world. All day when he's away at school or at work, all he wants to do is come home and cuddle up to Even. Just let Even know he's there, even when he can't be reached. 

Isak would take a million bad days with his Evy, over a million good days with anyone else. 

After staring down at Even for a few minutes, stroking his hair, and whispering that he loves him, he's home now. Isak decides he may as well try and make them something to eat. He's basically hopeless in the kitchen, but maybe if he makes a half-edible cheese toastie, Even will take a few bites. 

No matter how quiet he's trying to be, he knows he woke Even up, because he hears some shifting from the bedroom. 

Sure enough, when he heads back in there with two plates of cheese toasties, Even is halfway sitting up against the pillows, clutching Mr. Cardamom against his chest.

The sight makes Isak's heart clench. He'd found his old teddy bear on his last trip to see his mama, and brought it home, hoping it would make Even smile. But at that point, nothing could have made Even smile. He hadn't even acknowledge Isak, or the old teddy he'd cherished for years.

It would seem, though, that Isak's plan had worked after all. Obviously, Mr. Cardamom could bring them comfort at any age. 

Isak pauses in the doorway. "Hey, baby."

"Halla." Even's voice is gruff, rough from disuse. 

"I made some cheese toasties. No weird spices though, I promise." Isak teases. 

If he'd hoped this might get a small reaction out of Even... well it didn't. 

Isak continues into the room, and lays Even's plate next to him on the bed. He really doesn't want to seem pushy about it, but he knows Even hasn't eaten all day, and this worries him. 

Sitting on his side of the bed, Isak starts to munch on his own toastie, in silence. 

After a few minutes, Even shifts a little bit, moving closer to Isak's side, sitting up enough to pull the plate into his lap. 

Isak tries not to react. Doesn't want his face to show how happy this makes him. 

He tries to slow down his own eating, give Even a chance to feel like they are just eating a meal together. But even with Isak eating at a snails pace, Even has only managed a couple bites, by the time Isak has finished. 

He grabs his phone, tries to look busy, so it doesn't seem like he's monitoring Even's intake. 

It's like that for the next half hour or so. Total silence, except for Even's few attempts at chewing. 

Isak puts his phone down when he sees Even push the plate off his lap, discard it to the side of the bed. He can't help but feel disappointed. Even barely ate half the toastie. 

His disappointment vanishes a second later, however, when Even slowly curls back up in bed... placing his head in Isak's lap. 

This is the most physical contact Isak's been given in almost a week. Sure, he holds Even at night. But that's only because he initiates it, and Even never reciprocates the cuddling, when he's feeling this low. 

Now though, Even is nuzzling slightly against Isak's thigh, trying to find a comfy position for his head, while his body curls into a tight little ball beside Isak. 

Isak is ecstatic. 

This is a great sign. Maybe the first sign that this episode is passing. 

Very slowly, Isak lets his hand land on the side of Even's head. Testing the waters, seeing if Even will allow this extra contact. When he does, Isak starts slowly carding his fingers through Even's hair, lightly scratching at his scalp. 

Even lets out a sigh, that is almost a moan. Isak smiles so wide, his cheeks hurt from it. 

Even's hair is greasy. But Isak couldn't care less. This moment is perfect. 

They've been quietly laying like this for a long time, when Even's hoarse voice breaks the silence. 

"I'm sorry I couldn't eat more of your toastie." 

"Oh! That's ok, Evy. I get it." Isak tries to stop himself, but he just can't. "Have you eaten anything else today? Could I maybe get you something else? Some fruit or some water?" 

Even's eyes squeeze a little tighter shut, while Isak is talking. And Isak regrets his big mouth. Too many questions, and too much volume for Even to intake at once. 

"Ummm, no. I'll try some water in a bit. I just want to stay like this for now, though." 

"Ok." 

Isak expects that to be the end of the conversation. He's pretty sure it would have been, if it wasn't for the incessant vibrating of his phone, just out of his reach on the bed. 

Even releases a frustrated sigh. "Isak you should see what the boys want. Maybe there is something going on tonight. Just check their messages."

"No, no! It doesn't matter." Isak says, quickly. "I don't care what they're doing. I want to stay here with you. This is perfect."

Isak feels Even's body tense up beside him. Though he keeps his head in Isak's lap, his eyes closed, tiredly. "Nothing about this is perfect, Isak. You shouldn't be lying here in bed with your useless boyfriend, on a damn Friday night. You should be out with your friends."

"If I wanted to be out with my friends, I would be." Isak tells him, in a stern voice. "And you are not useless. You are my favourite person in the world, and I love spending time with you."

Even's eyes finally open, looking up at him from his lap. "You have no idea how much it hurts me, how much I hate myself for putting you through this. You shouldn't be here, Isak. You've dealt with enough of this shit in your life already. Just go be with your friends."

Even tries to push himself off of Isak's lap, but he's so weak, that Isak barely even has to try, to wrap his arms around Even, and keep him there.

"Stop it. Stop that, right now!" Isak places a hand on Even's cheek, trying to get him to look him in the eye, but Even has closed his eyes, in defeat. "Even, please. Can you just look at me? Stop doing this! This isn't fair. You know you're not a burden on me. I hate when you say things like that!" 

Even's eyes drift open, he can hear the emotion rising in Isak's voice, and even in his depressed state, it hurts his heart. "Great, now I've made you upset, too." He sighs.

"Of course it makes me upset, hearing you talk that way! Telling me that being with me, hurts you. This is what we do, Even! This is what we've always done. Take care of each other." Isak sniffs. "You took care of me, my whole childhood. You still do. Why should it be any different for me?"

Even turns his eyes up towards Isak, again. "Because I'm not a child, Isak. You shouldn't be with someone who is a responsibility. You spent your whole life taking care of your mama. Being hurt by her, over and over again. And now you've signed up for a life of doing exactly the same thing with me. It's not fair. You deserve better." Even's head drops back against Isak's leg. "And I'm a fucked up person for letting you do this."

Isak can barely respond because he's so choked up now. It's bad enough hearing these words, but the worst part is knowing that Even really thinks these things about himself.

"That's not true, Even. That's just the depression talking." He forces out, resuming his stroking of Even's hair. Fuck Even's brain for doing this to him. He just wants to take it all away.

Even seems to have exhausted himself. He looks even more drained, then before.

Isak feels guilty for arguing with him. He should have known better. 

"I know you don't want to hear this, and maybe you aren't even listening, anymore. But you, Even Bech Naesheim, are the best thing that has ever happened to me. God knows where I would be, if I didn't have you to turn to all my life. We've been best friends since I was born. A little bipolar disorder, isn't going to change that. So if you really think that you leaving me, would make my life better. I want to make it very clear to you that you are wrong." Isak, pauses to catch his breath, tightening his hand in Even's hair. "You leaving me for my own good, would literally break me, Even. I don't know how to exist without you. So please stop letting your brain trick you into thinking any differently. Being with you, no matter what state you're in, is the best part of my day, every single day." 

Even doesn't respond for a long time. Doesn't move. 

Then his hand slowly lifts to grab the hand Isak is using to stroke his hair, and brings it to down to his chapped lips. Even presses one tired kiss against Isak's knuckles. "I'm sorry." He whispers against Isak's skin. 

And it's enough. They're both still hurting. But it's enough for now. 

That night, it's Isak who curls up against Even's back. Keeping him safe between his body and the wall. It's his turn to protect Even from the world. 

**ISAK 23, EVEN 25**

Even is on his way home from a double shift at the art gallery, where he is currently doing his internship, when his phone rings. 

"Halla?" 

"I can't believe you left, and didn't change the laundry over, _again_." Isak growls, down the line. 

"Well hello to you too, sunshine." Even replies, sarcastically. 

"I got home from the library, went to put on my favourite study hoodie, and when I couldn't find it... I just knew. Of course, when I get to the laundry room, all of our clothes are still sitting wet and disgusting in the washer! Like are you kidding me, Even? Everything is skunked now!" 

Even drops the phone away from his ear. It's been a long day, and he is so fucking tired of having this argument. "Look Isak, I genuinely forgot. I was rushing to go out the door. It will be fine, we will just run it through the wash cycle again, and it will get the stink out." 

"I don't have time to do that tonight, Even! Do you have any idea how stressed I am, right now? My massive med school exam is literally tomorrow morning!" Isak's voice, is so high now it's almost super sonic. 

" _Relax, Isak._ " Even grumbles. "I will fucking do it, ok. I'm almost home, I will fix it."

"Fine." 

Click. 

Even pulls the phone away from his face, only to see the blank screen. Wow. Nice. 

The end of Isak's stupid med school exam cannot come soon enough. 

The tension in their apartment has been at an all time high lately. Isak has been a complete ball of stress. Barely sleeping, studying 24/7, the most irritable Even has ever seen him. He feels like he is constantly walking on eggshells, in his own home. Afraid that anything he does is going to set off the Isak-bomb. 

Even loves him. He loves Isak more than life itself. But there is also only so much he can take, and he can sense he's getting very close to that tipping point. 

"Just get through tonight." He mumbles to himself. Unlocking the door, and letting himself into their flat. 

Just as he expects, Isak is sitting at their little kitchen table, books everywhere, headphones in. Seemingly, unaware Even just came home. 

Whatever, he's just going to leave him to it. Not like Isak seems in the mood for chit chat, anyway. 

Even passes right through the kitchen, and heads for their bedroom. 

Before he even has a chance to change out of his work clothes, he hears a shout from the kitchen. "Get the laundry done, before you get settled in there." 

Even takes a deep breath, pinching the bridge of his nose, trying to stop himself from storming into the kitchen and starting a fight. 

"Just get through tonight. The Isak you love, is in there somewhere." He repeats this mantra, a couple times.

Once he's got his temper in check, he heads back through the apartment, making a show of grabbing the laundry card off the kitchen counter, and makes his way down to the laundry room. 

It takes all of 2 minutes to reset the washer, and head back upstairs. Big fucking deal that was, he thinks to himself. 

Back in the apartment, he decides there is no way he's spending enough time in the kitchen, to actually cook himself a meal. Isak would inevitably complain about the noise, and it's already almost 9pm. He's barely even hungry. 

He quickly grabs himself some fruit, and heads back to the bedroom to watch some netflix. 

He must have dozed off, because the next thing he knows, one of his ear buds is being pulled out of his ear, and he startles into a sitting position, only to find Isak glaring daggers at him from beside the bed. 

"Are you fucking serious, Even?" Isak demands. 

"What the hell, Isak?" 

"You promised me you were going to take care of the laundry! It's been two fucking hours since you turned on the washer, and I come in here to find you asleep!" Isak's voice is starting to rise now, and Even can physically feel the moment the last of his self-control snaps. 

"Chill the fuck out, Isak! I'm your boyfriend, not your damn slave!" Even shouts back. 

"Well maybe if you ever actually followed through on something, and acted like an adult, I wouldn't have to treat you like a slave!" Isak snaps back. 

"Watch it. I don't care how stressed out you are, Isak. I will not be talked to like that." Even's voice is cold as ice. 

"All I was asking for was a little help for ONE night! Do you seriously not understand how important tomorrow is for me? This exam could make or break my future, and I feel like you don't even care!" 

"You've got to be kidding me, right now!" Even throws back, shocked. "How the fuck can you accuse me of not caring? Literally for _weeks_ now, I have been tip toeing around my own home, afraid of disturbing you, or setting you off. All you do anymore is study and bitch at me!"

Isak takes a step back, a little bit of hurt showing through his anger now. "Wow, well I'm so sorry for actually caring about something, and being a burden to your life. God forbid you have to show a little bit of self control, so I can study for a few weeks."

"What the hell are you talking about? _Show a little self control..."_ Even mimics him. 

"I mean acting like a fucking adult, Even! Helping out with the chores, being quiet for a few hours so I can get some work done. Doing something other than drawing and watching netflix!" Isak is shouting again now.

"Oh fuck off! Don't act like that's all I do! I do just as much around here, as you do. And just because my program doesn't require as much studying, doesn't mean I don't work hard. And at least when I _am_ working... I still manage to be a decent human being! I don't make life a living hell for everyone around me!" In some far corner of Even's brain, he knows it's almost midnight, and they shouldn't be shouting, but he is way too fucking pissed to care about that, right now.

"Oh, so I make life a living hell for you?" Isak's voice has gone deceptively quiet. His eyes cold.

"Lately, yes actually you do!" Even shouts. "I don't care what you're going through outside our relationship, Isak. It doesn't give you the right to take it out on me. To treat me like shit, and yell at me, and take all your frustrations out on me. If this is how it's going to be, I just need a fucking break. I can't keep living like this."

Isak's face falls in an instant. But Even is so fired up right now, weeks and weeks of frustration and anger exploding out of him. He completely misses the shift in Isak's demeanour.

"Fine." Isak's voice is barely more than a whisper. "Than you won't have to."

And with that he turns and slams the bedroom door.

Even growls so loud, he swears it shakes the walls of the room. This was supposed to be _his_ fight. His turn to get all his frustrations out, and yet somehow Isak got the last word. And Even feels just as hurt and fucked up as before. 

He hates fighting with Isak. As the steam from the fire inside him, starts to cool off, the guilt starts creeping in, and he hates it.

They never fight. Especially not that bad. Yelling and swearing at each other. Saying things they don't mean. How did he let that happen?

They've been together basically since they were infants. They know how to navigate each other's emotions, how to care for each other. They are normally so good at this. Fuck. That got so out of hand.

Even can't even remember everything he'd said, it's like he had a rage blackout.

He knows he should go down and get the laundry, but he wants to give Isak some time to cool off, before he sees him again, so he decides against it.

Feeling like absolute garbage, he lays back down on the bed. He'll let Isak finish up his studying, and when he comes to bed for the night, Even will apologize, they will cuddle, and when they wake up, Even will make Isak his favourite coffee before his exam, and kiss him out the door, for good luck. 

They will be fine. 

They _have_ to be. They're Isak and Even. 

Even must have exhausted himself out with all the yelling. 

The next time he wakes up, he turns to the clock and sees that's it's 3am. 

Out of instinct, he reaches over to feel for Isak, and finds his side of the bed cold. 

Oh man, he knows Isak is worried about this test, but pulling an all nighter studying, is only going to hurt him in the end. Isak should know better. 

Not knowing what kind of reception he will get, Even decides to risk it, and try to convince Isak to come to bed and get some sleep before his exam. 

He moves quietly through the hallway, and is surprised to find the kitchen light off. That's weird... Even feels a sudden little flare of panic in his belly. If Isak isn't studying, and he isn't in bed... where the fuck is his boyfriend? 

Just as Even is reaching for the kitchen light, he sees something that almost makes him jump out of his skin. 

From the light coming in through the kitchen window, Even sees a body lying on the kitchen floor. 

Panic engulfs him, and he rushes over dropping to his knees next to Isak's body, curled up into the fetal position. 

"Issy!" He whisper shouts. 

Isak lets out a little snore in response, and that's when Even notices the little pile of tea towels under his head. 

"Oh my god, baby." Even's heart suddenly feels like it's shattering into a million pieces. 

Isak clearly hadn't wanted to come to bed after their big fight, and their flat is too small for a couch... so he had curled up on the kitchen floor, using tea towels for a pillow. 

The guilt and sadness of this whole situation, engulfs Even. Leaving him breathless, as he chokes out little sobs. 

As softly as he can, so as not to wake Isak, Even slips his arms under Isak's knees and shoulders, and heaves him up into his arms. The movement obviously jostles Isak, who mumbles a sleepy little "Evy?", before his head droops onto Even's shoulder, and he passes out again. 

Good. Even feels so ashamed and is so choked up, he isn't ready to have a real conversation. 

He gets Isak into the bedroom, and deposits him as gently as he can onto the bed, covering him with the blankets. 

Even gets into his own side of the bed, and finds that no matter how badly he wants to hold Isak right now. He just can't. 

Everything feels wrong. 

He is ashamed of their fight, and their harsh words. Hurt that Isak chose to spend the night sleeping on the floor, rather than having to share a bed with him. Shaken by the fact this is the first night they'd ever spent in the same household, but not in the same bed. 

Knowing that even though he wants to roll over and hold Isak so tight, he never has to let him go... Isak wouldn't want to be held by him. 

For the first time ever, Isak and Even spend the night sharing a bed, on opposite sides of an invisible divide. No one protecting anyone from the pain of the world. 

The next time Even wakes up, Isak is gone. 

This is by far, the longest work day of Even's life. 

He cannot stop thinking about Isak. 

Worrying about their fight. Hoping Isak is doing well on his exam. Feeling guilty that their fight will distract Isak, during the biggest exam of his life. Wishing Isak had brought his phone to school with him today, so at least Even could have texted him good luck. 

Basically, Even spends a gruelling 6 hour shift, feeling like absolute shit. Wanting nothing more than to run home, and fix things with the love of his life. 

The second the clock strikes 4pm, Even is out the door so fast, he probably left a dust cloud behind him. 

He all but runs home, throws the door open, and yells out, "Issy, baby?" 

Nothing. No response. 

Fuck. 

Even runs right through the kitchen, and into the bedroom and bathroom. 

No Isak. 

Seriously! Why is karma punishing him so hard? He just wants to talk to his boyfriend. 

Dragging his feet now, he makes his way into the kitchen again, this time noticing a piece of paper folded up on the table, with the word **EVEN** scribbled on the front. 

A wave of nausea hits Even so hard, he has to bend double to catch his breath. 

NO. NOPE. There is no way that is what he thinks it is. It was just one fight! 

Once, he can breathe again, he forces himself to walk over to the table, sits down, and unfolds the note.

_Dear Even,_

_First and foremost, I want to say I'm sorry._

_I thought about our fight, and everything we said, all last night, and all day today._

_I know we both said things we regret, but I also know that angry words, usually stem from_

_calm thoughts. While I know you're too kind to ever say most of the things you said, if_

_we hadn't been having a fight. I still believe that you meant them. Or at least_

_most of them._

_I know I haven't been the easiest person to live with these last few weeks. I reflected a lot on_

_my behaviour after hearing you out, and you were right. I have been mean, and stressed,_

_and I took a lot of that out on you, and you deserve so much better than that._

_You are the greatest boyfriend anyone could ever ask for. I'm not saying there aren't things I was_

_shouting about, that also came from a place of truth. But I wish I had talked to you about_

_those things in a mature way, and not yelled at you, and treated you like a slave._

_That was so fucked up._

_I promise I don't think of you that way. How could I? When you've spent the majority of the_

_last 23 years taking care of me? Physically and emotionally._

_I will never again use my school/work life as an excuse for the way I treat you. You are the best thing in my life,_

_and you should always be treated accordingly._

__I'm really scared of what's going to happen next for us. But I want you to know that I heard you. I understand why_ _

_you need a break from me. You've been dealing with me, and my baggage, and my attitude, for longer_

_then anyone else in the world. I would need a break from me too..._

_I have packed some things, and Eskild has agreed to let me crash there for as long as I need. So take your time._

_If/when you feel ready to talk to me again, I'll be waiting for you._

~~_Just maybe don't take too long, I'm not really sure how to live without you..._ ~~

_Shit sorry, I shouldn't have said that... why did I write this in pen..._

_Take as long as you need. This isn't about me. You deserve whatever time you need._

_~I love you more than anything in this whole damn world, Even Bech Naesheim._

_And from now on, I'm going to make sure you know it._

_P.S - I left you Mr. Cardamom, I figure you deserve him more right now. xoxoxo_

Even is full on crying to the point there is snot leaking out of his nose, by the time he reaches the end of Isak's letter. 

He can barely see through his tear soaked eyes, but he scrambles for his shoes, anyway. 

He's never run anywhere so fast in his life. 

And it's not a short run to Eskild's... but he makes it half way across Oslo, in record time. 

He is bent double, panting into his knees, as he bangs on Eskild's door. 

When the door finally opens, Even manages to lift his head, only to see Eskild standing there with his hands on his hips, one eyebrow raised, giving him a very signature _Eskild_ look. "Took you long enough." 

"Is... he... here?" Even pants. 

"Of course he is." Eskild takes a step back. "Well go on then, get in here. I'll get you some water." 

Even forces his tired legs to cooperate, and steps into the flat. "Where is he?" 

"Ummm about that..." Eskild hesitates. 

"What is it, Eskild?" Even feels himself start to panic again. 

"Right now might not be the best time to talk to him." 

"What! Why?" 

Eskild looks away from him. "Well, you see, Isak was so upset when he got here... he looked like he hadn't slept in weeks, and then he was crying his heart out to us... and so you know... Noora might have slipped him a sedative."

"You drugged him!" Even gasps. 

"Oh don't be so dramatic. It was just a little sleeping pill. He needed it." 

Even can't really argue with that. "Ugh fine. Where is he though. I need to see him. I need him to know I'm here." Even begs. 

Eskild, steps forward and gives Even a little smack on the bum, pushing him towards the hallway. "Third door on the left, sweetie." 

As soon as Even is inside the room, he rushes over to his sleeping angel on the bed. 

"Hey baby, I know you're asleep, but if any part of your unconscious mind can register this, I'm here, ok? I love you, and I'll be here when you wake up." Even kisses his forehead. 

Quickly taking off his outdoor clothes, he crawls into the bed behind Isak, pulling him tight to his chest. "I'm here, Issy. I'll protect you from any more pain." 

When Isak wakes up, he's not alone. 

It takes him a few moments to fully come to consciousness. He feels way drowsier then he normally does when he wakes up. What the hell? 

The first thing he registers, is that he's not in his flat. 

Oh right. He'd come to Eskild's after his fight with Even.

_Even!_

The second thing he registers, is a familiar pair of lanky comforting arms around his waist. 

Heaven. He could stay like this forever. 

It's the memories of how he ended up at Eskild's, that ruin his perfect moment. He knows he needs to roll over and actually _talk_ to Even. To clear the air between them. 

He already feels a million times better, just knowing that Even is here. That can only be a good sign. That Even still wants to be with him. 

Slowly, he starts to turn in Even's arms. Coming face to face, with Even's beautiful soft smile, and perfect blue eyes. "Halla, baby." 

"Hei." Isak's voice is so soft, barely a murmur. Afraid to destroy the peacefulness of this moment between them. 

Even leans forward, pressing his lips to Isak's forehead in a reverent kiss. "You gave me a really good scare today. Please don't ever leave me like that again." He whispers into Isak's hair. 

Isak feels his cheeks heat up, and his throat constricting. "I thought that's what you wanted. I was just trying to make things better, to respect your wishes and give you some space. You deserve it, after dealing with me being such a jerk lately." He says, into Even's chest. 

Even pulls Isak's head back, making him look at him. "That is _never_ what I want, Issy. I know it's my fault for saying those things in anger. I will regret saying that stupid thing about a break, as long as I live. You've been by my side for literally 23 years, and I've never wanted or needed a break from you. Do you have any idea how... how naked and strange my life would feel, if you suddenly weren't in it anymore! I don't even know who I am without you." Even presses his forehead to Isak's. "But I know I'm better _with_ you." 

Isak tries to stop it, he really does, but one single tear escapes and rolls down his cheek. "I'm better with you, too." 

Even closes the distance between them. Pressing a kiss so sweet to Isak's lips... it makes him feel a little light headed. 

"I love you more than anything in this world too, Isak Valtersen." 

Isak blushes softly, remembering this sign off from his letter. 

"I always thought we were like this power couple, because of how long we've been together, and how amazing we usually are at reading each other, and just knowing what the other one needs. But just maybe, we are actually more ordinary than I care to think." Even says, with a little chuckle. "I think we've learnt that there is room for us to grow as a couple, when it comes to communication. I promise next time there is something building up inside of me, I will talk to you about it, before I explode and yell hurtful things at you." 

Isak nods, his forehead still pressed against Even's. "I promise that, too. And that I will try to not to bring home my issues from work and school. Or like, I promise to talk to you about them, instead of using them as an excuse to close myself off."

"Communication." Even agrees, and seals the promise with a quick kiss. 

"Oh, and Even, I'm really sorry for treating you like you aren't an adult, and bossing you around and stuff. I really hate that I acted like that. You are never condescending to me, even though I'm younger, and can act really immature sometimes. I honestly don't know where that came from, but it's a really ugly side of myself that I don't ever want to see again." Isak grimaces. 

"It's ok, baby. I forgive you." Even, brushes his thumb along Isak's cheek, trying to help him to relax again. "Besides, I'm just glad I saw that side of you before the wedding! Need to know what I'm getting myself into."

Isak busts out laughing. Oh my god, it feels so good to laugh again. "You are such a shit, Even!"

Even is laughing, too. Not because he thinks he's actually funny, but because of how light his heart feels whenever he sees Isak smiling, and giggling like a little angel.

Isak reaches his hand under Even's shirt, and pinches Even's tummy, making Even jump in surprise. "Besides babe, there can't be a wedding, if there hasn't been a proposal." Isak gives Even his best cheeky grin.

Both Even's eyebrows shoot up. "Oh, I see how it is. Is that a challenge, huh?"

Even grabs Isak, by the sides, pulling him right into his chest, their faces millimetres apart.

"Maybe it is." Isak breathes, into Even's mouth.

Even wraps his hand around the back of Isak's neck, pulling him forward into a deep kiss. Tongues dancing, breath mingling, fire burning everywhere they touch.

Even pulls back, dragging Isak's lower lip between his teeth, until his face is far enough away, that he can look Isak directly in the eye.

"Challenge accepted." 

**Author's Note:**

> Annnnnnd there you have it!! 
> 
> If you are reading this... I can only say a MASSIVE thank you!
> 
> It is so me to decide I want to write a little contribution for #SkamWeeks ... and then end up spending every waking hour for the last 3 nights, writing this monster of a fic!!
> 
> I am so happy with how it turned out, and I really really hope you guys will like it too... because it took so much nerve for me to start writing something new, and I would be very grateful for your support!
> 
> ALT ER LOVE


End file.
